SIn9le 2 Married

So you’re moving from being single to married?  You’re around late twenties to early thirties?  I’m 38.  I married at 35.  Really late, I know.  In retrospect, after being in marriage for a few years, what would I do differently?  Mind you, I’m spewing from a traditional perspective.

When I was single, I was really looking hard for my ‘one’.  Looking back, I was seemingly obsessed.  A lot of it was feelings of inadequacy, peer pressure, loneliness, boredom, DESIRE FOR SEX, need for fulfillment.  A lot of things.  That’s why when you do get married,  I say, “don’t mess it up!”  You may in the heat of the moment want to throw it all away.  But, look at how much a marriage means to you.  It’s not just a body, it’s more than having someone to love, it’s really the whole enchilada.

Somethings I would look out for, just me by the way:

-1) Pick someone who is committed.  Not crazy!  I mean someone who is a faithful and patient person.  Someone who doesn’t bail out at the first sign of difficulty or trouble.  Why?  Because believe it or not, although I married someone a lot like me, she and I still had a ton of differences.  To work through everything and get to know each other takes commitment.  We even fought a lot, but we still stayed together.  And I’m much better for it.  Committed and a person of their word.  Integrity is important.

0) Pick someone who loves you for you.  Not what you can give.  Sometimes we’re willing to marry someone because we want to be married so bad.

0.5) If it doesn’t feel right, if you’ve seen the signs that’s she’s not right.  Then she’s not right for you.  Break it off.

0.60) Pick someone who is financially responsible.  Somehow check their credit.  ;p  Someone who splurges, will drain your finances when you get married.  And guess what usually happens when the money runs out?  The lady runs out – out the door too, into the arms of the next ‘rich’ sucker.

0.75) Pick someone who respects the headship of the male.  If not, it will be many a fights and power struggles to see who is the leader of the family.  That’s a lot of energy, time-wasted, head and heartaches.

0.90) But don’t take the position of overload, I mean, overlord in the household.  The Christian idea of head, is someone who ‘takes care’ of everyone in the family.  Serves.  Fills needs and leads with love.

1) Don’t do it just for looks or sex.  It’s a big part of it.  But when you get married…surprise!  Sex becomes just part of it.  It’s not the main thing.

1.5) But pick someone who matches you in looks, if possible.  Something to really consider.  I have a theory that men really respond to beauty.  Or what is beautiful to you.  You’ll be nicer to a lady that you find beautiful.  I’m not trying to sound shallow, but that’s been my experience and observation.  Then you’ll more likely get along keeping the marriage intact.

2) Be responsible.  If you know you can’t be single, then get married.  Women need security, so start saving up that money.  You’ll at least need a savings account padded with moola, an emergency fund, an expense fund, retirement account, and perhaps a college account if you want kids.  That’s a lot of dough.

3) Learn to be a good person.  This one you could never start too early, and the journey never ends.  It’s my opinion (like armpits – everyone has one and they all stink), that most marriages break-up because people don’t get along (at least learn to be civil to each other – don’t be mean and abuse even if you had a truckload of crap dumped on you that day), don’t know how to live together (share things, share space, respect/give space – what I used to do is touch all my wife’s stuff; drove her crazy), respect people for who they are (try to change the other person), don’t try to understand the opposite sex (expect her to think, do things exactly like you do), don’t work well together (some people divide work up, we do everything together), and many, many more.

I won’t bore you anymore, but it’s all basically about love.  Love GOD, and love your mate with all your heart and soul.  Put her first, never force (be a gentleman), be honest, never hurt her, fill her with good things.  The song that best sums this up is by Celine Dion.  Sappy I know, but if it really turns you off, just listen to the lyrics.  That’s what I do, they’re spot on.

Leave a comment


  1. I liked this post a lot… and then it ended with Celine Dion. HAHA! j/k.



  2. jchenwa

     /  June 16, 2010

    Hey, yeah, I did too. Everyone has an inner Celine Dion according to my wife. Ha-ha, thanks!

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