A song by truly inspiring and strong woman, Nina Simone,

Another lovely one, Natalie Cole sings ‘Smile’,

Who is Life, but Jesus Christ, the WORD Himself? He is the Author of Life. “For in Him was the Light, this Light was the Light of Men (and Women).”

In a esoteric and metaphysical way of understanding, when you live and breathe, you are living and breathing in Him. What that means is:

You are a part of Jesus,

What you feel, He feels,

What you think, He knows,

And when you get closer to Him, it works the other way too,

You will know what He thinks,

You will know how He feels about a certain topic,

You will be One with Him soon,

Sorry for your loss, your pain, your love,

Jesus cares about your life, your love, your money, your suffering, your happiness,

As you hurt, please know that He hurts, every tear you shed, He sheds two,

That’s how much He loves and knows you,

So eat something, and try to smile and be happy,

even through it all,


This World,

The world we live in has been compromised,

And although we can live in our ivory towers and be shining lights,

It is more Christ-like to dive into the muck and help, especially those that really need the help,

Who are those? They are the ones that everyone hates, yes, even you, even the Christians,

I’ve learned that even a crime done with a noble heart is not a crime at all,

You will be punished for the crime, but sometimes in THIS WORLD, that is what we have to do,

Doing bad, or doing dirt is like getting dirty. Sometimes we cannot be afraid to get dirty,

That’s why we need Jesus, our High Priest, to clean us up, and to speak for us,

The more important thing is INTENTION,

Enough for today, May GOD, the LORD Jesus Christ, bless you,


Congratulations to the former Ms. Rebecca St. James,

I just researched, and it appears that Christian Contemporary Music artist Rebecca St. James got married on April 23, 2011. Congratulations!

I posted one earlier in 2009 commending her on saving herself for marriage, something I never had the strength to do. Something one of my cousins is doing and achieving, although everyone is kind of concerned for her. Rebecca was 34 when she got married. I was 35. So, I understand having to wait so long.

Praying that if it is your hearts desire to experience the joy of have a baby sometimes soon. I don’t know her and her husband, but may the LORD Jesus bless you richly and keep your marriage and protect your marriage,


GOD is LOVE, GOD is in the LOVE,

So you see people worshiping, singing to the LORD Jesus. They are singing contemporary Christian music that sounds frankly like all types of popular love songs. They really love it. They are really getting into it. You can see their eyes shut, smiling, hands reaching out, and they are really trying to connect to GOD.


Is this the only way to worship? The lyrics and emotional movement of the music make it a very, very good way to communicate to the One True GOD how you feel and how you regard Him/Her, but what I realized today is that these people were able to reach out and connect to GOD because?

They all really LOVE music,

Of course, when you reach out, GOD reaches back, and when you honor Him by seeking Him at His House, He honors you with His presence.

But my simple point is that whatever you LOVE to do, GOD can reach you through that. The flip-side of that is if you really dislike going to a church, maybe you want to try a different church? Maybe you want to try to go less frequently? Because although GOD can meet you anywhere and although GOD can do the impossible. I just don’t understand being forced to do things. I understand duty sometimes and one should be rewarded for said duty, but if you don’t enjoy something, why do it? Really, unless there is some other reason I don’t understand, and then that’s up to you.

In my youth, :-), I loved to play sports. When I would jump up and hit a jump shot or spike one down hard, in that split second there was a touching of GOD and heaven. It was like worship music or uh, orgasm during sex. Do what you love, don’t be afraid to fail, GOD is a loving GOD, GOD will cover you, with persistence and hard work and good choices and a little of heavenly ‘luck’, YOU will SUCCEED!


The Ministry of Imperfection,

There are many reading this blog who are far along with the LORD Jesus, for those who don’t understand what I am about to say, don’t worry about it, you will, please just listen,

At some point in your life, a switch goes off, you turn around, and life isn’t about you anymore.

For me, that point came late in life, after my car accident, when I was still living with my parents. The title of this blog post to me means that sometimes you have to fail, sometimes you act the fool, sometimes you let others win, sometimes you take the blame or the bill, do you understand?

Christians especially sometimes get caught up in being holy and perfect and they are unwilling to suffer for Christ. What did Adam do after Eve ate the fruit? He ate it too, I’ve read accounts saying that he loved Eve so he ate and joined her in imperfection rather than be separated. Let me bring the example back down to earth. A very simple example is in teaching kids. Sometimes to raise a child’s self-esteem and confidence or even to just get them to do it you have to not act like you know it all or can do it all. I tell my kids I can’t do it on my own, I need their help. I tell my kids I don’t know or I say something wrong so they can be right. It seems strange, but it really works. And now if you think back, HEY, your parents probably did that with you too?!

In these days, leadership means different things to different people. To me, and I really think I’m getting old. Leadership isn’t about being superman or wonder woman anymore. Leadership is more about caring about other people and making sure everything is all good with everyone. The question then is, “If I’m taking care of everyone else, who takes care of me?” That’s a good question and I don’t know. Maybe you have the answer?

Everyone Is Going Thru Something,

When I remember how I used to be,

Many people I meet are shiny, happy people with great personalities, no major problems, great jobs, great hair, great girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. They’re just GREAT! And they are the envy of everyone.

I don’t know why but the people, the world I’ve been around are people with problems. They can’t be happy for any length of time. And they selflessly DON’T talk incessantly about their problems. But, I know they have major problems because they are such angry, imbalanced, and sarcastic people. Their thought processes are different and they don’t really see things the way most people do.

Call it what you want to, but I just know that one day, I too will go through something again. I did, from about age 17 to 29 was in a major funk. It was the LORD Jesus that brought me out of it. Life throws curve balls at us all the time. And I know, many people were there for me when I was all alone. Or I thought I was. I hope that I can be there for somebody, always there. And when it’s my turn, she will always be there for me.


My Mother, I Get,

I have been so, so fortunate to have a second chance on life,

What I mean is, I was in a really serious car accident in 2001, and had to come home to Guam to rehab. And so I got to spend a lot of time with my mom and dad, especially my dad.

When I was growing up, my brothers and I never saw my dad enough. Maybe that’s why I have over compensated and spend all my time with my son. He really like it, he never can get enough of me. And I’ll enjoy this while I can, especially hugging on him and tender moments. Because it won’t last. Sometimes I wish my dad and i were closer but being a man doesn’t preclude this anymore. But my point, is my parents and I are solid. I know them very, very well. And I know them in deeper ways because of the same Spirit that binds us all.

My mother and all people, especially old people are not easy books. Prophet people often think they know it all and they are always right. It takes sensitivity and humility and truth to know that just as no one can understand the depths of the Spirit of GOD, know one can really understand the depths of anyone person created by GOD, just b/c we, people, are also spiritual beings.

My mother is a funny person, but her jokes are hard to get. She likes Bible jokes, she is not a laugh out loud jokey jokey type person, but her humor is more cerebral and sarcastic. My mother is very complicated because she is a disciplinarian and likes to argue, not debate but argue. Yet, she is most definitely a mature Christian. I can see the power of love and life within her because people are still drawn to her even though she has a very tough exterior. And all around her, trees, plants, flowers blossom and grow like there are no more tomorrows.

My mother likes to act. Her main purpose is to help and grow people and bless people. She allows people to dislike her, but it always works to bless people. She doesn’t really mind it, because she is very strong. And I just trust her, because she has many decades of helping people and observing people, so she must really understand the human personality. My parents like to give money away, but the problem is people are proud and they don’t often can return the money. My parents like to be assholes so that people will feel like they don’t have to return the money. You understand? I think about things a lot, maybe too much sometimes.

As we transition to Father’s Day, I’d like to transition my post. I just, just accepted the Father into my life, and He accepted me. The biggest issue He had with me, was my violent nature. I’ve since corrected that, and now my father and I are really getting to know each other and talk. It can be confusing, this world and the spiritual world, but as you mature you will be able to understand and phase back and forth. Behind it all, is the Most High GOD, and His purposes. It is difficult to understand the Father because He is so High and Big. But a lot of times when we need help deciding, it is often our biological fathers that our Father in Heaven chooses to speak through. Sometimes it is that simple. In this special months of May and June, don’t forget to call your parents and tell them, “I Love You!”


One of My Best Choices,

It was actually to get married and have my son, but,

One of my best choices in life was to choose to be kind. It wasn’t to be a Christian, for what does that really mean sometimes? It wasn’t to be a vegetarian. It was to choose to be kind. And what I mean by that is that in thought, word, and deed never do I ever intend to hurt anything or anyone.

How does this play out in real life?

Well, if a bug or ant is walking on your body, do you? a) Squash it immediately, without thinking you destroy a living albeit tiny masterpiece? b) most gently remove it from your body and onto another surface.

Decide to minimize your meat eating b/c you want to BE the change. It is my personal conviction that we as humans can just eat plants. In the Book of Enoch, we read that the whole meat eating was introduced to mankind by fallen angels. I wholeheartedly confess. Meat tastes great! But it is still cruel to animals. I’m sorry to say.

When people try to provoke me, when people put their shit on me, whatever the reason people be mean to me in thought, emotion, words, or deeds, I have decided that I will always just try to TAKE IT. For the cause of Christ. Because actually that is what Christ did. We live in a hurting world. And hurt people hurt people. It is a cycle of passing on pain and suffering and injustice. Being kind stops this continuous cycle. When you are being kind and take on other people’s pain and suffering you are being like Christ.

At some level, people know what is going on. They know and appreciate what you do for them. For example, since I stopped eating meat, I learned to be kind to animals. They really just want food. They are really easy to please. They also want to be treated with respect and they want their own space and to be able to raise up their young and not live in a dangerous world. But since I decided to be kind to ALL living things, butterflies, all insects, birds, cats, and dogs all seems to like me. They smile at me, stop by to say hi, and sometimes they help me, birds and dogs often guide me. Why? Because when you help someone/something, the favor is ALWAYS returned. And the soul or essences of these life forms want to have harmony and to give back. It takes spiritual eyes and ears to observe and then live this. I won’t get into this too much, but I believe that when you don’t eat animals they can smell it. If you eat chicken don’t expect any birds to like you anytime soon. Also, I have experience the aura of the human body. When you eat meat, your aura is changed. Animals see in a different spectrum, so when you have an aura they like, they will approach you. You can try this with babies too.

With people it is the same, but people are a little more guarded, jaded, and they often don’t say what they mean. But if you really want to be kind then be kind all the way and help. I noticed that when I smile more, people smile back more. I realized that when in your heart you clear away prejudice, preconceptions, and be open and love, life takes on a new meaning, color, and sound. Do not fear. But a lot of which movie you are in, also depends on your history. Work with GOD to clear and clean up your life and make it the life you always wanted. Being positive falls flat for some people because they just quit. It’s okay. Just keep on keeping on. As you do it, it just becomes easier like walking or running. Being hopeful, positive, having faith and trust in humanity are all very good things especially for your experience of life. So keep your head up and keep yourself in the light and walking on the clouds as well,


The 10th Commandment is?

When we start to study the Ten Commandments, we often start out good and then blank out,

and then we get to the one on keeping the Sabbath, and kind of go, ‘huh?’

and then we get to the one on Killing (no problem), Adultery (uh, no problem), Stealing (yeah, no problem), and Honesty (uh…), stop.

When we start to get worked on by the Spirit of the LORD, Who comes but the Spirit of Truth. When you minister, if you see someone really start to try to be honest, then you know this a good candidate.

But the tenth commandment is? Do not covet. When we read that, most people think, no problem I don’t want what other people have. But, really the tenth commandment is something EVERYONE, or almost EVERYONE struggles with. We say we don’t want what other people have. But then why are we never content. Contentment is very hard to find and a secret to being happy.

Reality is very simple but confusing. Whatever you are, whatever you have that is reality. That is the life GOD wants for you at this moment. That is because GOD is so, so, so in charge. So running away or trying to change too much, or trying to be something you are not, are all attempts to take charge of your life when GOD is always in charge whether we admit it or not. But the other side of the coin are considerations like: What is GOD trying to teach you right now? Have you addressed some things in your past like He asked you to? Did He/She ask you to do something and did you do it? Or what about, is He/She testing you? Do you really know what He/She is like? Did GOD really want Abraham to sacrifice his own son? I’ve experienced that GOD sometimes tells you the wrong thing to test if you know right from wrong.

For a long time, I compared my life to others saying why don’t I have this like that person. And GOD got a hold of me and said everyone is different. What He gives to one, another does not or even cannot have. Often we need to trust that GOD gives everyone what they need. So why is it human nature to look around and want what others have? I really don’t know, but for me it came down to stewardship. Are we really able to handle all that GOD gives us. And for me, the answer was no. For a while, I wanted more and more, but I really wasn’t doing a good enough job with what He already gave me. And I wasn’t really honest with what I had. After I learned to manage stuff well enough, GOD started trusting me with people. And that my friends is where the real treasure is. It all revolves around people. The stuff is just a way to connect. And when you are ready for this truth, the stuff wins/purchases people for GOD.

When the Student is Ready, BLANK appears,

As they say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears,

Whatever GOD is working on with you: be it covetousness (that’s a tough one), honesty, stealing (what about the ol’ mp3s?), sex and sexuality, and violence?

Let me start in reverse order b/c violence has been my latest triumph. And GOD does want us to be victorious in our lives! GOD really started to work with me on this one three years ago. I moved to Seattle and my dad made me move back. When my dad told me to I was thinking WTF. But I heard the Spirit through and through what he was saying. My Heavenly Father compelled me to return to Guam.

I come from a background and lineage of military people. This I know. My great great great grandfather was a high ranking officer in the Dutch military who was granted a fief, so to speak. No, it was colonial times so he was granted control of a large area of land by the Dutch government. On that land, he employed the locals to labor in building projects, farming, etc.

I am a NBK. By nature I should be in Law Enforcement, but after following Christ, I can’t go that way anymore. So it is difficult when you aren’t working in your natural strengths. GOD used the withholding of $$$ to really break me up about this. There were many times I thought about committing a crime to make money. I know that some of our biggest baddest fighters and warriors are? In prison. Why? Because they are just too dangerous to live in normal society. It isn’t that they committed a crime first? It is because of the reaction of society to them and being hated and being pegged as assholes and thugs and not being able to get and/or keep a job. Bosses don’t like to hire someone who could be dangerous.

After three years of breaking shit, almost getting thrown in jail, and mostly beating myself up over failing again and again, I tried the unthinkable, a Biblical solution. Fasting and praying. And it worked, thank Jesus! I am also mostly vegetarian b/c I don’t want to be a hurtful and aggressive person. I’ve been ‘clean and sober’ for…about three months now. I say sober because when you get angry, you really can’t think. So being a person who likes to think I am somewhat intelligent, I now don’t freak out or get mad b/c I want to keep my head. It is really easy to see. Just really observe people who lose their cool often. It isn’t their cool they lose, they lose their minds and their ability to reason very quickly.

What I’d like to say lastly is that when I really started to get on top of this problem, I saw GOD’s encouragement. He started to bless me with money. My surroundings started to get more beautiful. My home was filled with more furniture, food, it was cleaner, my family was happier, laughing, and they were verbally encouraging me. People still react to me initially the same way, but I’m learning to not react back or smile more or do something that makes them laugh. I also try to talk more so they can get the sense that I’m not really like that. And I don’t mind going the extra step to make people feel at ease. I don’t know why, but I just look like a bad guy. I sound like a bad guy. And I’ve been told that I just look like I stink.

I also started to notice Angels all around me. They are happy I got the victory. When I start to stumble a little bit, I can always sense they are helping me. It is usually an Angel’s voice within someone else’s voice while people are talking as I go about my business everyday. But as I move to Los Angeles (I was just there a couple weeks ago), the Angels have mostly always been Catholics or Jewish People. Mostly Jewish People. I really like them. They have a certain look, but it’s…I just like them. The fasting and prayers changed me, but the Angels help and now mostly it was/is because my wife is cold to me, still. I’m determined to win her back over time.

To be continued,

My Imaginations: Jesus in Hell,

Our LORD Jesus says in Revelations, that He has the keys of Death and Hades. That means:

Jesus rules Heaven and Earth AND HELL, JESUS RULES IT ALL,

Christians ask, “Did Jesus go to Hell?”

Yes, but not in the way you think. He went there to take over. He was legally taken there, because He carried the sins of the world. It isn’t discussed much. But, I think the devil required the death of the Son, just as depicted in the ‘Chronicles of Narnia’ movies. But remember, the devil does not rule Hell, his domain is now earth, having lost his place in Heaven. His misdeeds are all recorded, and his time is running out. He may have had control of hell, but Jesus gots the keys now.

The very funny, and ‘not fair’ thing is:

GOD is GOD! Jesus, is the LORD and GOD and He can not die. As He said, He lays His life down, and then He picks it up again. And as a powerful Singaporean preacher says, “Grace swallows sin up!” All the sins of the world could not keep Jesus down. He just wiped it all away.

There is a story of Avalokitesvara, an avatar of GOD, who appeared around 500 B.C. She is now worshipped in Buddhism as Guan-Yin, the Goddess of Light. It is my understanding that she is more like an angel or saint, not worthy of worship. She went to the deepest, darkest hell, because she also took on the sins of others. It is funny that she got kicked out of hell. For such was the power of goodness and life and light in her, that while she was in hell, she kept transforming it into heaven. And the powers there were unhappy with that, so they released her.

So what happened when Jesus went to Death and Hades for three days? When He spoke to the Pharisees, He compared it to Jonah being in the belly of the whale for three days. I don’t comprehend it clearly, but GOD-Jesus has always loved and been concerned with all people. Jesus even loves the people in death and hell. In the book of Hebrews, it says that He even led some of them to Heaven in those three days. I guess that just as many in our prisons were wrongfully incarcerated, some in hell did not deserve to be there.

Don’t feel sorry for Jesus. GOD always knows what He is doing. When Jesus went to Hell, He did suffer, but He also went there to tour it as King, take authority, free the captives, maybe He even vacationed there and made it a better, kinder place.

Pastor Mark Driscoll, of Seattle,

He has a real ministry from the LORD Jesus, and it is very successful,

Maybe he has a few more years of whooping it up, and then the LORD Jesus will change him, so he can lead others into the change,

One thing that he is wrong about is how Jesus was. I wasn’t there, but in the Spirit, I know that Jesus was a genius at relating to any and everyone. He was raised blue-collar, but He was a Prince, yet anyone and everyone could talk with Him and understand Him and respect Him. He describes Jesus as a rude, crude, and sometimes mean dude. That’s just how he reads Jesus.

I am sure that he does not preach with the Gospel spirit of peace, love, understanding, etc., consistently. He is very adept at creating a following. That’s important, Jesus Himself was very popular and drew very large crowds.

I wish him the best and continued success in his ministry. He is doing good for Christianity, but he doesn’t accurately reflect the Spirit of Christ yet. It is something a lot of people are waiting for.


P.S. – Something Pastor Driscoll understands is that sometimes some people will never appreciate GOD’s grace unless they taste GOD’s judgment first.

I Saw Your Teardrops and Heard You Cry,

These are lyrics of the song – “I’m Your Angel” by Celine Dion and R. Kelly,

What do you do when GOD asks you to watch and pray? You don’t sleep anymore and can sleep or stay awake anytime. It is said in the Jewish scriptures that the dedicated students of Torah, meet with the LORD in the garden at midnight.

No problem,

What do you do when GOD pushes you to change. He shows you that violence is NOT the Way. He shows you, NO convinces you that gentleness, kindness, goodness is the Way. Period. No double mindedness. No wavering between sternness and severity AND gentleness and peacefulness. So, He changes me, and I accept His change.

No problem,

What do you do when GOD asks you to fast and pray. He asks you to push yourself to two, three, then four days of fasting. You pray and sing into the night. The suffering of days, abuse heaped on you, sickness thrown on you, all the crap of everyone you’ve encountered in the last few days becomes the gift of tears as you give it all up to the LORD.

No problem, just part of the call,

So, what do you do when GOD moves the neighbors in. They are always partying, always have different people over at all times of the night, they treat their kids good, fight with other tenants, and don’t help the apartment look nice and clean. At first, you avoid them and complain about them. But what happens if GOD gives you Love for them? We love them now. We still have a hard time with them, but they are always on your hearts, mind, and in our prayers.

I have a problem with how life has treated them. When I took the trash out at 2 AM, on more than one occasion, I saw you sitting by yourself, back turned to me, drunk, not aware of me there, crying and obviously crying to GOD. You were praying, and I know He heard you. I will not forget that until you have moved into the better/best life GOD has for you,

Is Robot Me Expensive?

My son asked me, “Is robot me expensive?”, since I always talk about buying all the toys he wants being expensive. And we see robot shows on TV.

He brings to my mind something I read a long, long time ago. A robot that can do some kind of work, say on an assembly line, is worth – millions of dollars.


Yet, we don’t value life, babies, ourselves. People put each other down. People treated each other like crap.

It shouldn’t be this way.

You really are a living miracle of a masterpiece. No one on this earth can engineer a human being. You are absolutely priceless.

Please believe that if not anything else. You are intrinsically worth probably $1,000,000,000,000,000. Just by standing there you are worth that. Because you are a biological wonder. Priceless! Love yourself and treat others with respect, please.


Why o Why? Thank Jesus for Thy Peace and Love,

Jesus cares about each and everyone of us. At some level, we all know it and feel it. But the experiences and pain of the past, the deafening loud experience of the here and now, drown out the still, small voice of the LORD Jesus.

I guess that’s why it is important to have ‘quiet time’ with GOD each morning if possible,

Right now, my life is not all puppy dogs and rainbows. But, I have faith in Jesus, that He is doing something and has His eye on me, and will not let me fall. Even though it feels like I can freak out anytime. He holds me together as He holds the entire Universe together by His mighty Word!

I just breathe, take things slow, and keep smiling. I keep my eye on the ball, the prizes – which are my Jesus (never, never, never leave You), my wife, my son, and my parents. I also pray for my family, my extended family, church family, neighborhood, the communities in which I belong, societies, countries, and the world, and the Universe. Praying unceasingly helps me through this life, a lot.

As a guy, I can’t talk about anything, so my relationship and trust in Sovereign LORD Jesus is deepening. It really seems true that nothing is really free. The Israelites were freed from Egypt at the cost of the firstborn of the Egyptians, we, Gentiles now have faith, at the cost of the unbelief of the Jews. And my wife’s relationship with GOD, it seems, is blossoming (though I can’t see it), at the cost of my relationship with her.