When the Student is Ready, BLANK appears,

As they say, when the student is ready, the teacher appears,

Whatever GOD is working on with you: be it covetousness (that’s a tough one), honesty, stealing (what about the ol’ mp3s?), sex and sexuality, and violence?

Let me start in reverse order b/c violence has been my latest triumph. And GOD does want us to be victorious in our lives! GOD really started to work with me on this one three years ago. I moved to Seattle and my dad made me move back. When my dad told me to I was thinking WTF. But I heard the Spirit through and through what he was saying. My Heavenly Father compelled me to return to Guam.

I come from a background and lineage of military people. This I know. My great great great grandfather was a high ranking officer in the Dutch military who was granted a fief, so to speak. No, it was colonial times so he was granted control of a large area of land by the Dutch government. On that land, he employed the locals to labor in building projects, farming, etc.

I am a NBK. By nature I should be in Law Enforcement, but after following Christ, I can’t go that way anymore. So it is difficult when you aren’t working in your natural strengths. GOD used the withholding of $$$ to really break me up about this. There were many times I thought about committing a crime to make money. I know that some of our biggest baddest fighters and warriors are? In prison. Why? Because they are just too dangerous to live in normal society. It isn’t that they committed a crime first? It is because of the reaction of society to them and being hated and being pegged as assholes and thugs and not being able to get and/or keep a job. Bosses don’t like to hire someone who could be dangerous.

After three years of breaking shit, almost getting thrown in jail, and mostly beating myself up over failing again and again, I tried the unthinkable, a Biblical solution. Fasting and praying. And it worked, thank Jesus! I am also mostly vegetarian b/c I don’t want to be a hurtful and aggressive person. I’ve been ‘clean and sober’ for…about three months now. I say sober because when you get angry, you really can’t think. So being a person who likes to think I am somewhat intelligent, I now don’t freak out or get mad b/c I want to keep my head. It is really easy to see. Just really observe people who lose their cool often. It isn’t their cool they lose, they lose their minds and their ability to reason very quickly.

What I’d like to say lastly is that when I really started to get on top of this problem, I saw GOD’s encouragement. He started to bless me with money. My surroundings started to get more beautiful. My home was filled with more furniture, food, it was cleaner, my family was happier, laughing, and they were verbally encouraging me. People still react to me initially the same way, but I’m learning to not react back or smile more or do something that makes them laugh. I also try to talk more so they can get the sense that I’m not really like that. And I don’t mind going the extra step to make people feel at ease. I don’t know why, but I just look like a bad guy. I sound like a bad guy. And I’ve been told that I just look like I stink.

I also started to notice Angels all around me. They are happy I got the victory. When I start to stumble a little bit, I can always sense they are helping me. It is usually an Angel’s voice within someone else’s voice while people are talking as I go about my business everyday. But as I move to Los Angeles (I was just there a couple weeks ago), the Angels have mostly always been Catholics or Jewish People. Mostly Jewish People. I really like them. They have a certain look, but it’s…I just like them. The fasting and prayers changed me, but the Angels help and now mostly it was/is because my wife is cold to me, still. I’m determined to win her back over time.

To be continued,
LOVE,

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